These Phrases from My Dad Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You require some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate among men, who often absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."